Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Next choice of life.....

Should I Stay or Leave when I sense something in the relationship which is not right? How do you know when enough is enough in a relationship?

There are no such things as happy ending or forever love. I don’t believe in fairytale anymore but a colourful beginning of life which I have to creates it for myself and lives in there. That’s the happy ending. Things have been so hard for me or us in maintaining a relationship with somebody who lazy to start a communication with you and blame that you look too fierce. How can a relationship last when your partner told you that they don’t even wants to talk to you because u look scary when u get angry and they rather stay away to understand you more because you always will start an argument when we talks. Great and a bravo conclusion to solve the problem by just saying I’m scare and get over it. Damn it. How a man that I plan my future with can think like that and I just realize that after what, a 1.2 years. A fail relationship because I look fierce? Damn it. Why not you just said that you lazy to continue the fucking relationship which is with full of argument and you wanted to have a better relationship. Why you never mention that it’s because you too lazy to precede the always tense relationship with me rather you always run away from trouble and accuse me that I never care or bother?

Really I don’t care, or really I don’t bother?

Do you question this when I try and start to learn to cook to prevent you to complain that you hungry after work?

Do you question this when I share my things with you, my house, my bed, my room, my car with you to work?

Do you question when you don’t even bother to share the petrol or toll money with me for the year that we share the same car? Do I bother to ask for money?

Do you question I pay more rental than you even we share the same room?

Do you question when I spent money to buy necessaries and I have to ask you to share than only you bother to share half with me?

Do you question when I have to ask for something to spark our life that we have to go through together?

I plan for the future and I’m seeking for the future husband who can takes good care of me in the future time and I don’t have to worry about all his necessaries, his future, his childish hobbies, a non grown up adult. I even want to worry about my husband at all however I was so much willing to let him worried about me. Do you even bother to plan a little bit for us rather than games, and staying away? Even my birthday party, or valentines or even anniversary? Do you even bother that, that is really damn important to me and how important I shall know that how much you love me. And I found out the answer already and I don’t even want to admit it. He don’t really love me anymore but its just the responsibilities he have to bare to be with me because he still live with me I guess.

Its hurt when I heard from you that “ those days when I will understand you because I want to know more about you, but with this kind of attitude you have, why should I proceed to know you or understand you anymore?” Damn bastard, its hurt. And now what a sms asking me “are you ok?” which can solve the entire hell problem here? Hey Big boy, we have a huge problem here which is we don’t talk about problems that occurs at that moment and solve it before things gets worse. You always run away and said you scare to face me because I look scary. Now it’s the time that I don’t even want to look at you anymore, I don’t even want to let you touch anymore, I don’t even want to care about you anymore and only you realize I don’t need you anymore? Don’t you think it’s a bit too late to realize?

You said I don’t care about you? How were you reacting when those days I cared so much?

Every morning I waited you for breakfast; do you bother to join me?

Every morning I waited you for morning kiss do you bother to give it?

Every afternoon I waited for you and I’m the one who always have to call you?

Every evening I waited you for a break together, do you bother to ask?

Every night when we used to share the same bed, do you bother to join me to bed instead playing your stupid fucking facebook game? Is it because you have to see me every day that makes you don’t even have to bother that I am actually waiting every single night until I cried and I quarrel and there are no changes of you and I ended up I have to give up of all the thoughts that this future husband are going to bed with me every nights. I change myself not to ask so much from you. I ended up do not need any good night kiss from you, I do not need a morning kiss from you too and now you mumbling I don’t want you? Now I have friend for morning breakfast, for lunch, for break and you are asking I don’t even bother to ask you? Oh gosh help, I didn’t?

Maybe now, the “I love you” word is just so over. Although in us, we seriously seldom used the word but how the hell it becomes expired so soon? I know that I can go through all this shits but I have no idea why the tears is dropping again? If you know me much, you will know that I can go though this without you anymore because I can’t even trust you or us anymore? You don’t even bother to try and why should I?

If my life is for rent and I don't learn to buy
Well I deserve nothing more than I get
Cos nothing I have is truly mine

While my heart is a shield and I won't let it down
While I am so afraid to fail so I won't even try
Well how can I say I'm alive”-Dido

把手放了 我也許會比較快樂

我也許會換個情人 我也許不會再撐

真的夠了 能不能讓雨別再下了

能不能讓心別再疼了 能不能不要開燈

我們的愛跟著你寫的劇本 出現了越來越多的角色

我是你什麼人 如果不是情人 是不是不要再浪費我的人生


你對我多好 多溫柔 多認真 不構成愛我的資格

除非你只看著我 想著我 只有我 愛本來就該獨一無二

為你傷心多一點 少一點 流下的眼淚都一樣不值得

世界上那麼多人 只有我一個人 能拯救自己的快樂 不要再為你哭了


· the only way u gonna survive until 60, 70, 80 years old together is to communicate

· now u 2 have youth

· to do anyhting and run anywhere you want

· but when u grow old, u wanna someone to talk to

· someone u can share things

· laugh at silly things together

· and listen to what the other person has to say

· and genuinely interest in what he was doing

· u need to talk about what is happening at work

· children

· money

· trees

· birds

· car

· his boring topics

· ur boring topics

· and if u cant even strike a conversation, how u 2 gonna survive

· by now u already know that whether u can share things with him for the rest of ur life not.


Anonymous said...

sei lui bao~~ gar yao~~

lou dao de phone always open de.. ok?

Pink said...

lol i just read ur very long post =.=

but no doubt, im touched :)

good luck to you lady!

Anonymous said...

wow..someone actually read my blog..gan dong lehhhh...haha